Rent Boy Page 13

  So after a couple of months I headed back home to Melbourne, Australia. I really felt like this trip had not only broadened my horizons it gave me time to really have a true think about who I really am and what I wanted to get out of life. But I was apprehensive to come home. I knew stuff happened at home whilst I was gone and did not really know what I was walking back into. Going by mum’s letter, Bob said to her that he wants to treat me like a son but I could not really see that happening all of a sudden. It didn’t make any sense. I don’t know if mum was just trying to put on a brave face but I still didn’t trust Bob. The reality is, and always will be, no matter how hard I try, he will never ever be my dad. The title of being called ‘dad’ walking into a new family, needs to be earned. Bob did not deserve it. On the plane trip back I was also dwelling about the thoughts of my sexuality and whether or not I keep this to myself or not. I wanted to express it as I no longer felt ashamed. But I was still too shy to say that word-‘gay’. But I was hungry to explore my sexuality now more than ever. I just didn’t know how I would do this in Australia and told myself that I would just have to keep this to myself. I was now no longer ashamed to be attracted to men, I just worried about the tag that came along with it which society gives you when you ‘come out’. You know, the ‘gay’ tag or more extreme ‘faggot’ or ‘poofter’. I am a man, a young man who wants to live his life to it’s full, but as matter of fact, I just happened to prefer other men, not women. Is that so unusual or disgusting? I think I’m going to work through this. I am going to seek my independence and start standing up for myself. I don’t need Bob, in fact I don’t need anyone, I just need a life. A life where I don’t need to hide behind my mother’s dress anymore. Melbourne, Jay Beau Andrews is ready.......

  Thinking on the flight home I was dwelling on how I was a bit sorry to go as I really did have an experience of a lifetime including learning to cross country snow ski as well, in the Austrian Alps. The sights of Europe enlightened my mind and gave me an insight into how life should be lived and not just existing. But most of all, treasure your own individuality. I wanted to be someone so I was coming home fresh with determination. It was my first time to Europe, and knew that it would not be my last. It was also good that I got to experience all sides to Europe, not just what you see on the surface. I also got to experience both luxury travel and a bit of backpacking, although we always stayed in luxury hotels. I also surprisingly got to see a lot more of Europe than I expected and visited more cities than I had planned over the couple of months I spent there. I really was blessed that I had to opportunity to see a vast array of European cities and towns. Most of my time though was spent in Austria and got to see most of the land from cultural cities to the Tirolean alpine country. I also discovered that there is a night life out there just waiting to be dived into and my introduction to club land wet my appetite. But most of all I had fun and glad I went to broaden my horizons. One thing I learnt is that life in Europe is so much more embraced. I took that experience with me back home.

  It was a bit depressing coming back to normality but I was looking forward to seeing my family again, even Bob. The whole family was at the airport to greet me with such enthusiasm that it actually felt good to be home. The family love felt genuine and of course my mum was so happy I arrived back safely in her arms. They all gave me a kiss and a hug and told me how much they missed me and then there was Bob. Smiling at me. He gave me the warmest hug with sincerity beyond belief. He was my dad, finally. But in my sub conscious there was still suspicion. I did not let that get the better of me and just enjoyed the welcoming home party.

  Arriving back home was a bit of an eerie feeling. Europe, especially for the first time was a worldly experience and the complete opposite of Australia. It was the culture of Europe that fascinated me and I spoke so enthusiastically about what I had seen, heard, smelt and tasted. However I consciously remembered not to speak about the naughty times in club land. I think my family does not need to know about that, well, not yet anyway. But I was home and it was time to adjust back to normal life and my birthday was only days away. Not to mention the exam results and university offers and the list just goes on. I was overwhelmed with what I had to do now as an adult entering the age of individuality. The world was on a platter for me and I had to decide how to reach out and grab it.

  The New Year was well and truly in full swing and my parents were preparing to return to work after summer holidays and soon we all got our results in the mail. I did quite well. In fact very well. I actually received an award of academic excellence which my mother was so proud of me. Bob didn’t really show much enthusiasm but I didn’t care. My Oma was also very proud of me too and told all my aunties and uncles of how proud she was of me. I felt quite special like it was a real achievement. The next step was to find out if we all got into uni, but that was not due until February or March.

  That January was also the month of my 18th birthday. I planned to have it at my house and only the coolest was invited along with all close family members. I had arranged a pool party as it was during the summer months. My vision of the party was to basically have an Aussie style pool party with a barbeque, cocktails by the pool, that kind of thing. But Bob had to do the unthinkable and insisted we have party favours like balloons and streamers. Either he was trying to piss me off or he was just not ‘with it’. I was turning 18 not 8! It was embarrassing but he made Sam and I put them up. Even Sam knew that this was not cool. Oh well, at least Bob was paying for the party I’ll give him credit for that.

  On the day of the party it was quite chaotic getting everything ready for the party. I went in the car with mum to help her pick up the party food and stuff and disaster struck. After we picked up the food we were about to drive back home and my mum screamed in agony. “I think I’ve put my back out” she screamed. Oh no I thought. Although it may sound a little selfish, I was just thinking oh my god, how are we going to get the party sorted in time. But my mum was my main concern. I didn’t know what to do to help. I had not done any first aid training at the stage so I didn’t know what to do. “Call dad!” mum gasped. So I called him and he came straight over and took us home. Mum did not want to go to the hospital, she just wanted to lie down on her bed and relax her back. Once home, everything had to be Cracker Jack timing. Nothing had been prepared for the party, and I was yet to take a shower or anything. Then all of a sudden guests started to arrive. Bloody early! I just thought, if I’m going in the pool I might as well miss the shower, it would be a waste. So I went outside where the backyard was the venue for the party. The first to arrive was Penelope and Virginia. Bob was talking to them. Or should I say, chatting them up. Virginia commented how handsome I look today and of course Bob had to start stirring. “Oh, are we gonna see a little bit of pashin’ on with you kids, eh” he said sarcastically. How embarrassing I thought. I knew this was going to be his game this evening. His intention was too completely embarrass the hell out of me and destroy my dignity. But I was not going to let him do that. I was not romantically connected to Penelope, not sure what she thought of me though, it didn’t matter, I only pretended to like girls anyway. For the superficial sense of things, I was romantically linked to Diana and she was coming to the party too.

  After an hour or so all the guests had arrived and slowly started drinking beer after beer, wine after wine. Soon this led to the “skull, skull, skull” song, if you know what I mean. My poor mother though was stuck in bed with her sore back. I felt so sorry for her that she was missing out on my 18th birthday so I went to check on her every now and then to see how she was. I felt so bad for her and so guilty that the party went on without her. The party went on way into past midnight and things took a bit of a turn. Ironically as the party was classified as a pool party, no one seemed to want to go for a swim however one of my cheeky friends got out the water balloons. By the time you know it, the party went into a wild water fight, friends, relatives and all. Surprisingly even Bob got involved in the action. My mother
was inside and was screaming out the window “What the hell is going on?” But everyone seemed to ignore her and the party just kept on getting wilder and wilder.

  We soon had complaints coming in from our neighbours and they threatened to call the police so the party kind of ended literally in a drenched manner by around 3 am or so. It was an unexpected type of party but for the better as it was the talk of the town for a while. So as the story goes, some bad things happen for the better. I don’t know, but what I do know is that it was bloody fun!

  February seemed to take forever to get to. I guess it was due to my impatience of waiting for the offers of any university intake acceptances. Then the mail arrived. My first choice was Swinburne University to study the film and television course. It was the best one in the country and one of the hardest to get into. This course was also conducted in conjunction with the Victorian College of the Arts. I received a letter stating that I passed the VCE results to get into Swinburne and they request I attend an interview and bring along a portfolio of any work. I was ecstatic with the news. It meant that I passed stage one but that was the easy part. It was the interview that scared the shit out of me as I just can’t seem to handle the pressure of interviews. It was my flaw. But I had to put aside my insecurities and just do it.

  The day after I received the letter from Swinburne I received another one from Victoria college Rusden campus and also from RMIT. Victoria College said I failed to qualify but RMIT wanted to interview me. I had mixed emotions as I had failed once and succeeded once. My confidence somehow went down.

  The day of the interview at Swinburne was one of the most nerve racking moments in my history. I think I was trying to impress too hard. I think I answered their questions correctly, I’m not sure. I showed then my award winning film and the reaction was strange. It was neutral. They showed no reaction in their faces at all. So that was that. I did all I could and it was in the lap of the gods.

  I also went to the other couple of interviews and tried my best. I heard nothing for weeks. I started to panic a little and knew I had to cover my bases so I applied for a private college to study film production in Richmond, Victoria. It was an expensive course but I could pay it off as I go. I went for the interview and was accepted on the spot as they were very impressed with me. Exactly a day after that, I received a letter from both Swinburne and RMIT stating that I failed to meet their requirements and to re- apply next year. RMIT I could handle but Swinburne? How could they have said no to me? I was shattered. But I kept my chin up and went to the school in Richmond. It was the best I was going to get this time around.

  Soon after starting film school I got my driver’s licence and immediately bought myself a car. It was a second hand Holden Commodore. I was not really a ‘rev head’, so to speak, I just wanted a generally nice comfortable car that goes from A to B. Bob showed his enthusiasm when I brought home the car. Again, he was pleased that I did something ‘masculine’. Yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous but that’s how he was. He was always offering to show me how to check the oil, the gaskets, and all things mechanical that I had no idea about. I knew how to fill it with petrol but that’s about it.

  Things at home were okay for a while. Bob worked a lot, mum worked a lot, Sam still was at school and I went to college. We really only saw each other at dinner time. I had a lot more free time even though I was still working part time and going to college. The hours at college were a lot less than high school. So I was home more than the others. The thing is too, Bob knew this so he took advantage of this and made me do extra chores. He also made me start paying board money which my mother disagreed with. But like it goes, it was Bob’s law once again.

  Then came along one night. A night just like any other night. Family dinner, no elbows on the table, no talking and ‘mind your manners!’ But this one night changed our lives in a way which was unexpected and for the better, I guess. Let me explain.

  Bob and mum had some little argument before dinner about something so insignificant I couldn’t even tell you what it was about. We all sat down to dinner and the atmosphere was super tense. We dared not to even look at Bob as it would kill you. Both Sam and I had our heads down and we just ate in order to finish as soon as possible. The television was on in the background and the evening news was on. We could hear the sound of the television from the dining table and all our attention seemed to focus on the sound of the news due to the tension in the air. Then some news story came on. It was about some protest held in Melbourne by the gay community or something. We could hear the words stated by the newsreader such as ‘gay’ or ‘homosexual’ or ‘AIDS’ or ‘lesbian’. All sorts of words which sounded quite intimidating, even to me. Then Bob suddenly spoke. “Shoot them all!” he gasped. “Kill all the AIDS fuckin’ poofters......they should all be killed!” he yelled and he said it right to my face. He was looking directly at me. I dared not to react even though it made me furious. Sam didn’t budge either. Mum was not happy with what he just said and reacted. “Shut up Bob!....you have no idea about the real world, do you?” Mum said as she looked at him between the eyes. I felt like applauding her bravery for her response. But I did not move. Even though I felt like I was no longer scared of Bob I just did not want to aggravate him. For mum’s sake. Then Bob spoke again in a sarcastic manner. “You are just like your son” he said as he stared directly at me. “You and your little shits can just fuck off if you’re not happy here” he screamed. He then forcibly pushed his dinner plate towards mum’s plate which slid right off the table and smashed into the wall. Then he walked out of the dining room, into the kitchen, grabbed a beer out of the fridge and sat in that same spot on the couch in the lounge room. He seemed to think this was the end of it, like he just had his say and now we just have to deal with it and forget about it. Not this time. Mum then came over to Sam and I and huddled us together just like when we were the ‘three musketeers’. She cuddled her two boys and whispered “Don’t worry boys, just ignore him”. She was shaking but I could she was also very angry with Bob. I knew there was going to be trouble. “Boys, finish your dinner and just go to your room’ Mum said in a caring motherly voice. Both Sam and I could not finish our dinner as we were just a little shaken. Not so much for what happened, that was nothing. It was for what we were expecting to happen. So Sam and I went straight to our rooms. As I walked down the hallway to my room Bob yelled out ‘Fuckin’ bastard!’ I had to ignore him or I would just explode as I have had enough. Every time I turned my back and walked down the hallway he always called me an insulting name. Not to Sam though. Just me. Insults like ‘Bastard!’, ‘Arsehole’ and the one that hurt me the most ‘Faggot!’ We went to our rooms and just closed our doors and I just sat on the end of the bed waiting for something to happen. I could then hear Mum and Bob arguing in the lounge room. I could not really hear what they were saying but I did pick up words like “Slut’ and ‘Slag’. It killed me to hear Bob saying things like that to my mum. I hated him for it. I really wanted to do something about it but couldn’t. I just had to stay put. I began to shake. My anger and hatred for him was so overwhelming that it made me shake with extreme nervousness like I could not control it. I thought I was going to flip out. Literally. I put my head to my bedroom door to try and hear exactly what was being said. Then suddenly without warning the door opened banging the side of my head and forcing my head into the wall. There he was. Bob. He stood in the doorway with beer in hand and swaying slightly back and forth like he was drunk. Well, he was drunk actually. “You fuckin’ little bastard.....I hate you!” he said in a deep low tone. The look in his eyes were paralysing. He stood there like he had a weapon in his hand and cornered me like it was horror movie. He totally flipped out with hatred. Mum grabbed his shoulder and yelled “You leave him alone!....he never does anything to you!”. Bob then pushed mum to the floor. Then that was it. He had to get it. So I rushed towards him and tried to punch him but I couldn’t do. Why? I just didn’t understand. Was I scared? I don’t know. Then he
gave me a scary smirk and thrusted his fist into my face which threw me across the room hitting the bedroom window. “You Bastard!” Mum screamed. “Don’t you dare!, don’t you dare!....” she yelled. Then he came back for more. My face ached with agony like it was about to explode. He punched the other side of my face. He was enjoying it. Mum was trying to hold him back and Sam was in the background standing there helpless and crying. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was shaking so bad that I couldn’t speak. Bob grabbed my chin and spat in my face. “You fuckin’ little cunt!....I should have fixed you up ages ago you fuckin’ arsehole bastard of a slut!” he directly to my face while spitting his evil words. I wanted to run so I did. I ran to the front door and they all chased me. I had one hand on the door handle and screamed “I’m leaving!....I can’t take this anymore!”. Sam rushed to the front door and tried to block my path to stop me from leaving. “Please darling don’t...” Mum cried. “Look!...your little brother is trying to stop you...” she said. “Please don’t go Jamie” Sam cried. I felt so sorry for him that I could not open the door. “Go on, piss off then” Bob yelled. Then he came back for more. But I was ready for him. I stood up straight and looked at him right between the eyes and said “Go on, do it!....violence is your answer to all your problems....isn’t it you fucking arsehole...I hate you!....I hate you!...I hate you!” I yelled. Bob then raised his fist slowly ready to take another swipe at me. It was going to hurt but I was ready to take it. But to my surprise mum grabbed his fist from behind and said softly “That was the last time you ever, ever hit my son again Bob!” Finally the Bob’s rampage ended. “Boys, go to your rooms and grab all your things, we are leaving!” Mum said nervously but with great courage. My mum had the last word and Bob knew it was his final and regrettable mistake. Finally Bob got his ‘just desserts’. It was end for him. The feeling of relief was so joyful and I felt like a load had been lifted. “Please Annie, please don’t go” Bob cried. The look of Bob begging my mother not to leave was laughable. He looked like a little boy begging for a toy in the supermarket. It was pathetic. But this was it. He has destroyed himself to the point where the damage is done so badly now, it’s irreversible. Quite simply, enough was enough and my mother finally had the bravery to stand up to him. Watching her boys suffer in these circumstances absolutely crushed her painfully. We just could not take any more of this family pretending to be the ‘Brady bunch’ on the surface. It was about time that justice came and prevailed. No more abuse, no more lies, my mother does not deserve it